I recently saw this same question on another website. There were many suggestions. Maybe explaining this need to your husband and asking him for suggestions. You know there are many of us that find being in an open relationship helps us to get needs met that our partners may not be able to satisfy. Is he against that idea?

I wish you the best, and keep in mind, we can't always get our needs met and just have to understand we sometimes give things up to be with the person we are with.

It's not a rare query... how to get a vanilla partner to join you. A local munch may be a good resource. Isn't TES out your way, and very active?

Overall, I've got to say, start as you mean to continue... and I *HOPE* that the key word there is "communicate". Communicate, communicate, communicate. Then communicate some more. I note that you report, "he says he isnt sure he would do it;" I also note that, thus, he isn's sure that he WOULDN'T do it.

Note that peoples' boundaries differ. To him, handcuffs may feel like the epitome of unloving brutality, and a HUGE jump into -- or beyond -- edgy play. Maybe you could find some nice soft comfy rope, pre-tie slipknots, and see if he'd be happier securing you THAT way. Even better... ASK him how he'd be willing to restrain you.

Also -- what is it you want to happen once you're restrained? If he simply has his way with your helpless self... is that enough to scratch your itch? Or does he have to include a bit more? Erotic torment? Explicit painplay? Tickling? Mindfuck? Or...?

Maybe you could get into some bdsm-ish things via an erotic role-play... the naughty schoolgirl disciplined by the teacher; the speeding hottie stopped by the cop; the terrorist and the interrogator; the cheerleader and the captain of the opposing team; the blackmailer and the compromised woman; the cheating GF "taught a lesson" by the wronged BF; or even, historical RP, the slaver and the slave(!), or the conquering lord and the captive; even just a "husband and wife" scenario from 1900 or earlier, gives the man virtually all rights and the woman virtually none... etc...

Get creative about alternative ways to fulfill your wants... and COMMUNICATE with him!


- Steve